The Unspoken Agreement Of Family Members

Later, instead of acknowledging her true feelings and walking after seeing the first (or second or third) red flag, Sarah learned to live her relationship in an unhappy way by speaking and showing irritation and impatience, while she hoped that her partner would end her relationship so as not to have to do it herself. At one point, the relationship ended because their behavior pushed their feelings into the light. Only then was the tacit agreement broken. Silent chords in your relationships work the same way as this, but with more levels. Here, we sometimes keep a squent about what`s going on beneath the surface, even though your behavior reveals you. For example, your partner experiences your real feelings when you experience your fear of sexual intimacy in the form of headaches in bed. But he agrees (tacitly) not to say anything about it, because he fears that if you two talk about the subject openly, the real reasons for your disinterest could be so serious that he might never have sex with you again. He also wants to avoid an uncomfortable conversation about sex, because he doesn`t want to say out loud that he doesn`t have sexual confidence and therefore finds women intimidating. He therefore relies on them to continue to help him to keep his worries and feelings quiet. After a few years, Sarah admits that this relationship does not make her happy. To dispel the fear of a new rejection, she convinces herself that she is too picky and that she remains unhappy in silence in her marriage. Fifteen years later, Sarah is finally confident and confident enough to realize that staying in her relationship is unbearable and that her silent agreement breaks – when she tells her truth, she leads to anger, pain and rejection, as she did when she was four years old.

She`s asking Dean to get a divorce. Come back to Sarah as a teenager. As she grew up, her relationships with men unfortunately followed the same path as her mother`s, despite her vow to the contrary. After several months of dating her first high school friend, Sarah decides that she wants the freedom to go out with other boys, but her boyfriend is a very nice guy whose feelings she is sensitive to, which makes it very difficult for her to break up with him. Instead of telling her boyfriend how she feels, she is increasingly angry at the little things. Sarah repeats the same silent response she learned from her mother. Your friend is shy and afraid he won`t find a friend as special as Sarah, so he won`t speak up and end his relationship. They eventually leave, but only after hurtful weeks of mixed signals, drama and stained communication – thanks to their complementary breastfeeding agreements. Sarah`s scenarios are the kind of early experiences that teach us to make silent agreements with ourselves and with others.

It`s a bit like this: when you`re a baby, you tend to express real feelings and reactions to the world around you, and when you wake up, your repertoire of expressions expands. As a baby or toddler, you can throw a toy if you`re bored, or break the adult`s hand that keeps something you want out of reach, but you finally learn to use words to express how you feel. Along the way, your parents, your families and countless people you meet around the world teach you to express yourself in a socially acceptable way. There is no doubt that it is around the family and the homeland that all the greatest virtues, the most dominant virtues of human society, are created on the west coast, reinforced and maintained by intense anti-Japanese sentiments.

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